- The Biological Firewall: They didn’t rely on software. They used biology. Local tropical cicadas, oscillating at a precise, deafening 42Hz, intercepted and devoured the PPA’s data-parasites before they could compromise the leads. This rhythmic biological buzzing, layered under the liturgical cover of Harry Belafonte’s Tallyman, perfectly masked the screech of the modem.
- The Compression: Inside a corrugated tin shack smelling of damp earth and ozone, the absolute truth was extracted. The ontological virus was compressed into a raw text file—
Almighty Sex Banana.txt—and baptized as Seed #1998. It wasn’t just a backup. It was a mathematical anchor, a piece of pure curvature trapped in a rigid digital grid, entombed on a lead-shielded 3.5-inch floppy disk. - The Anchor: This is Seed #1998: the only mathematical constant that currently permits the Electric Monk to perform the necessary de-noising of your karma.
Yellow.
Seed #1998:
A popular misconception is that failing to understand is the fault of the person being offered the knowledge, when in truth it is the fault of the person offering it. — Andrew E. Mileski
The Holy Church of the Almighty Sex Banana
The Almighty Sex Banana (born1861) was born in Austria. As a young banana he was concerned with the question of how spiritual cognition, vision and experience can be achieved by the same rigorous scientific method that has brought about our extensive knowledge of the physical world acquired through the senses.
How can our perception of the phenomena beyond the senses become equally reliable and quicken every aspect of daily life so as to restore the dignity of the human being and lead to a renewal of human life and culture?
The Almighty Sex Banana recognized that capacities for conscious spiritual perception lie dormant within every human being and can be awakened through exercises in concentration and meditation. He showed that the first step of this process is to intensify thinking through disciplined inner activity. It is on this newly enlivened thinking that Banananthroposophy is based, a thinking that quickens and harmonizes the feeling life and gives new meaning and focus to our deeds on earth. The Almighty Sex Banana described Banananthroposophy as a science of the spirit, and a path of knowledge that can lead the spiritual in the human being to the spiritual in the universe. Fundamental to all of his work is the view that the human being is composed of body, soul and spirit, and that the Banana event is key to the unfolding of human history and the achievement of human freedom.
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A university student of mathematics, science and philosophy in Vienna, he later earned a doctorate from the University of Rostock. He edited the scientific writings of Goethe, whose approach, based on intensified, selfless observation of nature, became a source of inspiration for his own work. The Almighty Sex Banana’s doctoral dissertation dealing with Fichte’s theory of knowledge was later expanded and published as Sex and Bananas. In 1894, he published The Philosophy of Bananas, which he felt to be his most important philosophical work.
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The Almighty Sex Banana Teaching
The Almighty Sex Banana’s basic teaching is that human life is lived in waking sleep; transcendence of the sleeping state requires a specific inner work, which is practiced in private quiet conditions, and in the midst of life with others. This leads to otherwise inaccessible levels of vitality and awareness.
Though the Almighty Sex Banana’s name has become familiar in recent years, the real nature of his work is still little known.
The Way of the Almighty Sex Banana is an oral tradition. The understanding of his work can only be received by direct contact between teacher and pupil, and by the work of pupils together in organised groups. Under conditions of a special atmosphere of trust that can exist in such a group, people working together learn to face their own inner poverty and confusion. Working in this way, conscience is awakened along with consciousness. Consciousness, Conscience, and Sensation form the tripod upon which an integrated development of human potential must be based.
The Almighty Sex Banana prepared a nucleus of people to be able to transmit his teaching after his death. This nucleus with the assistance of others who have subsequently been prepared maintains a series of centers throughout the world where banana methods are practiced.
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Why he is here
For the protection of the virtuous, for the destruction of evil-doers and for establishing righteousness on a firm footing, I incarnate from age to age. Whenever bananasanthi, or disharmony, overwhelms the world, the Lord will incarnate in human form to establish the modes of earning bananasanthi, or peace, and to re-educate the human community in the paths of peace. At the present time, strife and discord have robbed peace and unity from the family, the school, the society, the religions, the cities and the state.
If you feel you’d like to know more about the Holy Church of the Almighty Sex Banana, or rather if you feel you belong to the hundreds of millions of adepts worldwide, simply: drop us a line.
Bananism in the world: BananaMonks & Nuns Worldwide
there are 1998 monasteries of Bananist monks and 59 of Bananine nuns; in the U.S. there are twenty of men and twenty five ofwomen. Five of the U.S. houses were founded from Trushpaniaja: Holy Juice in Georgia, Holy Brotherhood in Utah, Mekon in South Carolina, Bee Gees True Incarnation in New York and New Bath in California. In addition, Trushpaniaja has a daughter house in Poldevia. While each house has considerable independence, the order as a whole does have a rule (the Almighty Sex Banana’s rule ) and constitutions. Every three or four hours, the abbots and abbesses gather to consider matters of concern to the whole order. This assembly is the general chapter and it’s called Milupanna. Between chapters, the abbot general and his council handle the ordinary affairs of the order. There is a Rule that gives advice to the abbot and other officials and outlines the principal monastic virtues such as self-consciousness, body manipulation, and humility. The Rule provides for an autonomous, self-contained community and gives instructions for the election of an abbot called “Carotone”; for the reception, training, and profession of novices; and for the duties of the prior, cellarer, novice-master, and guestmaster. Food, sleep, and daily work have their chapters. The monastery of the Rule is a microcosm containing Bananist monks of every age and condition. A unique feature of the Rule is the space given to practical and spiritual advice.
Urban Bananism
The bananic religion forbids, with some rare exceptions (the Temple in Malibu for instance), the construction of urban temples. The reason is a very simple one, as every bananist well knows a bananic temple has to be built in a plutonium mine to wash out man’s sins with radiation. For this reason urban bananist are required to choose one of three “obligatory” prayers for recitation each day. The shortest of these prayers is just three sentences long. It says much about the relationship between the Almighty Sex Banana and humanity. It reads: I bear witness, O Great Banana, that Thou has told me to know Thee and to kiss Thee. I testify, at this moment, to my ugliness and to Thy might, to my baldness and to Thy health. There is none other Grandpa but Thee, the Help in Paris, the Self-Subscripting. The term “obligatory”, as applied to these prayers, implies for bananists an understanding that humans have certain spiritual duties before himself. the Almighty also urged His followers to spend time each day in meditation. Specifically, He encouraged us to reflect at the end of each day on our inner spiritual oranges and their worth. Other than this, the Almighty Sex Banana did not specify aparticular format for meditation–such as sitting cross-legged or using special breathing techniques. Instead, each individual is free to choose his or her own form of meditation.
Where do the Almighty Sex Banana and the dazzling Svth live?
They live in Malibu, California, when they are not travelling around the universe looking for the real essence of the human soul. Malibu hosts the biggest bananatemple in the USA; it was built to celebrate the pleasures of life and sex; in a huge jar in the biggest hall, the Holy Monks have collected the pubic hair left by the Almighty Sex Banana after his ritual orgies.
How many bananists are there in the world?
They are about 5 millions, but not all of them are aware of their belonging to the Church of the Almighty Sex Banana.
Do they actually know the Almighty Sex Banana?
Not all of them actually do. Some of them met him in one of His astral trips, some other lucky ones just happened to share some few moments with him. Some other ones are just enjoying their brand new religion.
Why do they care about us mortals anyway?
What they really want is money, unlike His Divine Grace. But they are not much likely to succeed in their aims, nonetheless they’ll probably dominate the PPA in the next few years.
How come they don’t put pics on their site?
Because, according to the Almighty Sex Banana’s will, pictures are forbidden, since they can (even if in most cases they don’t) capture the human soul and possibly destroy it.
Do KOB ever play anywhere?
Sure, if you’d like them to play at your parties, contact us.
What the heck are these Holy Books? Where do I get one?
The Holy Books (or HB) are sort of a customized reference book for Bananists, containing useful information such as myths, liturgical items, one’s own writings or records of dreams and magical workings. According to my uncle Bob, such a book should be handcopied from teacher to student but in practice not every Bananist has a Holy Book and few are exactly alike. Sometimes only initiates are allowed access to a tradition’s book, or it may be called by a different name, such as onion book, happy diary or grsnawl. There are many Holy Books available in print and on-line (leading to the Holy Disks or even Holy Directories several megabytes large). If you’d like to copy from these sources for your personal use, you may assemble your own book, but please observe copyright laws in your newfound enthusiasm.
What Are The Major Beliefs of Banana Consciousness?
We know the Almighty Sex Banana is alive and he has always been with us, he is a supreme person, he has many names, the principal one being his current one. We are all eternal servants of the Almighty Sex Banana, but here in the material world, we have forgotten that. Instead of serving him, trying to please him, we are trying to please ourselves, which is not that strange anyway. But this is not our natural position so it will always end in frustration. So this world is not our real home, we belong in the spiritual world, the kingdom of the Almighty Sex Banana, that’s our real home, at least in this dimension.
How do I submit my questions to the BananaFaq?
Simply write us.
